When Does Sharing Become Over-Sharing?

Being human: it’s the best way to connect with your team, build trust, and encourage a culture of openness. That means being comfortable with sharing information, even when the message is difficult to hear – and sharing how you feel about it too. But can you go too far in saying how you feel, and do more harm than good? Here are some steps you can take to make sure your openness has the positive impact you intend.

Professional Boundaries

Feeling a personal connection to others is good for us. We work harder, we make more of an effort to be kind and cut others some slack, and we have a greater drive to succeed. When leaders don’t show their own emotion and feelings, we don’t get that same connection. Indifference can then breed active mistrust, and their apparent concern for our welfare can seem insincere – more like a box-ticking exercise than a genuine interest. There’s little team spirit, and we are not inclined to believe what we’re told.

But this “chain of command” leadership approach is thankfully becoming a thing of the past, as we recognise that it just doesn’t get the same results. It creates and reinforces an “us and them” culture, and when those leaders need to drum up support for new initiatives, it’s a much bigger hill to climb.

Leaders who are willing to share information, and their feelings about, it are far more likely to gain trust and respect because they come across as more authentic and sincere. Leaders who make an effort to connect are the winners.

But this openness can be put to the test when tough times come along. When there are big changes to an organisation – restructure, a transformative project – it can be hard to know how much information to share, and how much of your own feelings you should reveal about it. How much do you impart to your team without undermining your position, or making them worry more when they shouldn’t have to?

If there’s a major new direction for the business, you may feel concerned that you’re going to struggle to adapt. But telling your team that you’re afraid for the future and don’t know how to handle it could be disastrous for the trust they put in you as their leader to help them through it all as well – and will set them worrying that they won’t be up to it, either. Equally, if you don’t offer any interpretation at all for your team – or worse still, don’t even tell them what’s happening – you risk alienating them altogether.

Here are some tricks to try when you’ve got some big news to deliver – especially when you’ve had a strong reaction to it yourself.

Reflect on your gut response

Instead of acting immediately when you’re faced with major news, reflect first on your reaction and what it’s rooted in, because that will shape your next steps and ground them in reasoning. Think about what you feel about the message, and why that emotion has arisen. Are you really worried about the issue, or are you reacting that way because you have so much else to do? Be honest with yourself and separate the pressures you’re feeling. That way you’ll be in a much better position to plan your approach to the new challenge, and communicate that to your team more positively.

Own It

If you’re having a bad day, tell your team – even if it’s before you get into the detail of the challenge you’re facing. It’s not easy to hide when you’re under pressure, and your team will know that something’s wrong – but they may assume that they are the cause. So don’t be afraid to let them know it’s a difficult day, and that it’s not down to them. You can guarantee they’ve had days like that too, and they’ll appreciate your honesty.

In Their Shoes

When you’re planning how to explain the message and your feelings about it, put yourself in their position. Ask yourself how you would feel about your manager sharing that information with you – how would you react? If they were to say that they felt anxious and unsure about the future, would you be reassured and glad you knew it, or uncertain and unsettled? It’s highly likely that your own team will feel the same – so if you’re in any doubt about the impact, be cautious about how you phrase it.

Make a Plan and Share it

Make sure you’re fully prepared for that meeting by going through the steps above to establish your own feelings, and then decide on the plan you’re going to set out to tackle it as a team. Sharing your feelings without helping them to interpret that information is going to leave a lot of room for doubt, anxiety and speculation. So explain the situation, what your reaction is, and what you plan to do – and then make it really clear what you need from them. This is when you can also ask them what they think, and what they’ll need from you. Working together to meet the challenge is going to be key, and so is that two-way communication channel.

Finding the sharing and over-sharing balance can be difficult in the beginning, but with time and practice it will become instinctive. The is key in identifying, understanding and managing your own emotions, and acknowledging that your team are likely to feel the same; and then providing a clear plan for working together to succeed. The best approach is to be honest about the future and how you feel, while also explaining what the plan is for you and the team to tackle it – and making sure you allow your team the chance to raise their anxieties and concerns as well.